No one really asks me how I’ve slept anymore; they know that I don’t. I wouldn’t even know how to answer them. You can only disappoint people so many times before you have to stop pretending you’re not. People ask me how I’m doing. How am I doing everything while I’m drowning? I really don’t know. Maybe if I knew, I’d stop drowning. I don’t like having iced coffee at every meal, but I like that it doesn’t make me nauseous. I’m trying to exercise, but running when you haven’t eaten just makes you hot and dizzy. I told my doctor that I always want to be drunk because at least then I’m not sad. I get most of my work done at night. It’s quiet at night. I can think. All I do is think. If you met me at three in the morning, then you’d never know it was the same person with a headache from light sensitivity at 12:30 on a cloudy afternoon. It’s Sunday. Tomorrow is going to start the “How was your weekend?”‘s. I’ll say that it was good to see my family. I won’t tell them that seeing a picture of myself from when I was younger made me cry because I’m so scared of time. When I’m stuck in this cycle, at least I know where I’m going. Reading hurts my eyes and I feel like the words are moving too fast for me. Regardless of all of this, I can’t let anyone. I have so many amazing, hardworking friends and family that I would do anything to help them. I have to make this poster look good. I’m not an artist. Maybe all I can do is make sure that no one else has to know what three in the morning feels like.


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